Watch out for Penguins

“Those curtains won’t photograph well”, exclaimed the agent. “You’ll have to buy some others, white would be better. I’d swap out your table and chairs for something more modern and in white, but I love your floor tiles”!

Now I personally don’t want my family room looking like an igloo and everything in stark white, how the hell will that photograph well? There won’t be a stitch of colour anywhere, I’d expect to view the agents photo at a later date and find a penguin standing in them, beside the Welcome to the South Pole sign.

As for liking the floor tiles, just as well she did, because I sure as hell won’t be replacing them. Geez. Did she even realise what was coming out of her mouth? I know at one point there she said “you’ve got to trust me”. Normally when someone has to tell you that, that is certainly a red flag that they are full of their own self importance. Those red flags were being waved pretty aggressively in my head, by now.

Call me strange but personally I like to work with agents who know how not to insult their vendors. Call it a pro tip, but I’m pretty sure the relationship between vendor and agent would work oh so smoother. This agent, was straight as, blunt to the point of sounding rude and only gave a grin at the end of her sentences that made her look like a complete psycho. Visions of the shower scene from Psycho were playing in my head, I was Janet Leigh.

She was showing us her sales pitch and how she conducts her business. “Have you seen any other agents”? She asked. “Yes” hubby answered. The agent looked at him, eyes narrowing. “Don’t you dare show any of this to another agent or I’ll kill you”. Cue Janet Leigh and much screaming inside of my head.

She was very persuasive in her sales pitch. The most persuasive we had had so far. Then she would do that serial killer smile. I was starting to feel like we had to sign with her right then and there, or we might never be seen again by the neighbours. “I can sign you up right now” she exclaimed, followed by that smile. “Ah, no, we are going to think about this, thanks, we will get back to you”. She was surprised by us wanting to think things over.

She more than likely would’ve got the place sold, probably terrifying buyers into signing, but a gnawing gut feeling told me that this would not end well, we would clash over everything and personally I’d like to be able to shower from now on without the scene from psycho happening.

No, she’s not our agent.

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