Wanted: Sanity Saving Agent

We are now at the point in our downsizing, where it’s time to put our house on the market. The part where we have to sit through real estate agent interviews and turn our bullshit meter up to maximum.

Facts, papers and words get thrown at you at speed, your brain tries to take in as much as possible, then mine just shuts off and I’m sitting there with a look on my face, that possibly suggests I’ve got gas to get rid of and my brain is starting to hum a tune, any tune, hell even those annoying adverts on tv, their tunes.

Hubby is doing well, he’s even asking questions, me I start to wander, close the front door, turn on the heating, shutting curtains, as it’s starting to get dark. I’m thinking about feeding the cat, no I’ll leave her for now, back to the table I go. Real estate agent hasn’t broken her stride at all.

The last time we sold a house, the agent knew her stuff, there wasn’t any bullshit, commissions were very reasonable and she had the place sold with no fuss. That was quite a few years ago. Now it looks like they let anyone that can slightly function and pass as a human as an agent, brain is optional. Nowadays they’re so full of it, you could cut it like a knife and their fees, well they charge like a wounded bull for everything, plus mark up. Yep, let’s screw the vendors as much as we can.

First agent came as a pair and a huge red flag was waving before they even came in the door, they pulled up at the curb outside of our house, parking illegally on the wrong side of the road, in a company car with their logo emblazoned on it. Great start I thought. We went through the introductions and soon discovered they were as lacklustre as a wet week, they wouldn’t give us a price for the house but a ballpark figure and they wanted to test the market. Oh so you have no idea what you’ll get for this huh, which in turn tells me you have no idea about this market at all, were my thoughts. They showed no interest in the place at all, but they had a fancy box they presented to us with out of date sales in. Anyway we listened to what they said and showed them out pretty quickly. Then we received a follow up email from them, a few days later, absolutely riddled with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. It made me get a twitch just reading it, which I did several times, just to torture myself. How can they be so professional in what they do, their words, not mine and then send an email that looks like an eight year old has written it. Agent out of the running.

Agent number two, again came in pairs. Seemed ok, one was very down to earth, other a little more prim and proper, but doing ok so far, but then they started to speak just like agent one, almost robotic and almost word for word. My mind starts to wander, did I defrost something for dinner tonight, geez what’s that mark on the wall over there, I try to bring my mind back to listen to some more and I get myself back just in time to hear hubby telling them about nbn and home networking that we have installed in this house and how it all works and why a modern household would love it, since streaming is a huge thing nowadays. The agents listen and I can see the glazing over of their eyes beginning and then one says “Oh, but you have wifi too don’t you?” My reaction was for all to see.

Agent two out of the running.

In today’s times, with so many advancements in home technology, solar power etc, they should all be up to speed on these things, not have their eyes glaze over and just stare at you and then let their lack of knowledge stumble out of their mouths. Simply unacceptable. I cannot let anyone sell on our behalf, if they aren’t up to speed on these things and don’t know their shit. It’s downright embarrassing. As you can tell I am a lot tougher in making a choice than the average joe, most just pick someone and say that’ll do. As you know I do not do that’ll do, even more so when we will be paying these people thousands of dollars.

Agent three was last night. Easy to get along with. Things are better, what she didn’t know she asked about so she could learn, first one to do that. Prices and advertising package are reasonable, well slightly more reasonable, still looking at a lot of money, anyway she’s doing well so far. She also didn’t just throw facts and figures at us robotically and say but yours doesn’t have that. She said instead, but yours has far more than that. Ah, someone that thinks like us, this is good, very good. She’s not out of the running, yet. Got to wait on that follow up email, to see if it gives me a twitch.

Agent four is coming tonight, her reviews are top notch, so are her prices, eye-wateringly so. She is the most expensive. Hubby spoke with her via phone, he came out to me and said, “she’s very straight to the point, so much so she said my pricing will be absolutely spot on, I always am compared to anyone else. She sounds really confident and she’s very straight forward, very straight forward, I don’t know if you’ll like her” he finished with. Oh boy, I start to twitch, I might have to replace the batteries in my bullshit meter for tonight and set it to super maximum, I have a feeling I’m going to need it.

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